Archive for » February, 2009 «

Dear Dr. D, Me and my buddies were just chilling out on the couch listening to a bit of Floyd right, and Dave, he’s like, this totally far out cat, says, dude, what if everything in the universe just you know, stopped moving? And I said, like what, totally everything ? And he was like, yeah man completely everything just froze – would, you know, time still exist or what? And I was like, whooah dude, that is so totally heavy. So we thought about it and then decided to ask you. So like, would it?
Thursday, February 12th, 2009 | Author: Dr. Dominguez

Yes. Good question, I can see you and your amigo Dave are of a philosophical bent. In my humble opinion if absolutely everything in the universe stopped, ie there was no change whatsoever anywhere, then time could be considered to have stopped. However you wouldn’t know, because there would be no-one to see or measure it and as soon as you introduce an observer then there would be change and consequently time. I asked Mrs Dominguez II about this and she basically concurred whilst introducing the concept of a triggered static observational device which is something I will go into later when my brain stops hurting.

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Dear Dr. Dominguez, As a normal woman who reads OK! And Cosmopolitan on a regular basis, I am constantly worried about my weight for no apparent reason. Even though I half-heartedly attempt every new diet fad the instant I read about it, I am still no happier with my general appearance. Please help!
Thursday, February 12th, 2009 | Author: Dr. Dominguez

Senora you have come to the right place. I have in fact just finished some in-depth research on this subject which I am now able to share with you. I have named my solution The Dr. Dominguez 10 Day Dengue Fever Diet Plan*Snappy name no? Here’s how it works – go to a country like Vietnam, Brazil, Venezuela, you know, somewhere nice and tropical, and wander around for a bit at twilight wearing revealing outfits. Sooner or later you will be bitten by a mosquito carrying the Dengue Fever virus (probably try to avoid the haemorrhagic variety, unless you like bleeding from the eyeballs). After 8-10 days of raging fever and inability to eat you will be as thin as a rake. To keep those pesky pounds off, move onto my wonderful Dr Dominguez’s M Plan Plus* – it’s basically the same, but with malaria. The benefit is that the protozoan parasites in your blood keep reproducing every so often, causing intense fever and chills – great for keeping your thighs trim.

*Copyright Dr. Dominguez International. May Cause Death.

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Dear Dr. Dominguez, Last week I had the pleasure of attending the nuptials of my niece Felicity. We were just having a glass of champers before the ceremony when I bumped into an old chum of mine Algie Potterton. Well, dash it all, the chap wasn’t wearing a hat! I didn’t want to cause a scene so I didn’t say anything at the time but I wonder whether I should have pulled him to one side for a brief word. What do you think old boy?
Sunday, February 01st, 2009 | Author: Dr. Dominguez

Not all people take the matter of dressing correctly as seriously as you I’m afraid. Take the Americans for example, they obviously have no idea at all and at times dress even louder than they talk. Which is generally around the 120db range, similar to a fully laden Boeing 747 taking off at full thrust. Some say ‘well there is not much you can do’ – but not me amigo – I say fight! Stand up to people like this perro sucio Algie and let him know that there are still those among us who fight for what is right and proper – people who are prepared to make themselves known, to raise their proud, covered heads above the parapet of righteousness and ask for, nay demand, true sensibility in the matter of hat wearing! So yes, in summary you should have told him to put a hat on.

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