Obviously any hombre worth his salt wants to look his best at all times, this is a matter of pride. However it is a sad fact of la vida loca that the amount of cerveza one drinks can detrimentally affect one’s waistline. Clearly exercising more is out of the question, as this is a solution only for the weak-minded. Four bottles of scotch a day however does seem a trifle excessive. Although it pains me greatly to recommend it, there is a new product in my country called “light beer” – apparently it has less calories than the usual brew. I suppose that could do the trick, or try cocaine.
Archive for » April, 2009 «
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | Author: Dr. Dominguez
Dear Desperate (not of Tonbridge Wells, wherever that is),
Perhaps you could organise some sort of feline Guantanamo Bay camp facility for el gato terrorista? That seems to be the approved method for dealing with this type of miscreant. Assuming that your cat is a potential suicide bomber or Taliban supporter of course. Failing that I would recommend a secret rendition flight to my hacienda where I’m sure my two dobermen Rabid and Malaria would be only too happy to dispense some, ahem, “tough love”.
Category: advice
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 | Author: Dr. Dominguez
Bueno – there are a few strategies you can employ, some of which may be more effective than others.
1) Buy an anteater. Sounds obvious, I know, but they are extremely efficient at slurping up your unwanted guests, and as a bonus their brush-like tail acts as a duster thereby keeping your house tidy at the same time.
Useful.
2) Try negotiation. Observe the ants to ascertain which one is most likely to be el jefe, then see if you can work out some mutually acceptable arrangement. ie they get the kitchen, you get the bathroom and dining areas. Let’s face it, eventually they are going to win so you may as well accept things and make the best of it. Also if you are lucky you may be able to play off one faction against the other, particularly if you notice schisms forming in their hierarchy. It worked for the Spanish in Mexico so why not you eh?
3) Set them on fire. Can be problematic as you may burn your house down. But the ashes will more than likely be ant free.
Category: advice
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