Well, well, if it isn’t my new internet amigo Zendude. You are quite the inquisitor aren’t you? But that’s muy bueno, porque yo soy Dr. Dominguez and that’s what I’m here for! Now Lark’s tongues – the best place to find them is inside a lark. I believe you hail from England Zendude, judging by your appalling grammar, in which case your best bet is probably the skylark (Alauda arvensis), Just put up some snares in your garden, catch a few, rip their tongues out and ring the gong for breakfast. Actually I imagine most songbirds have similar tasting tongues, so you could try a few different species, blackbird, thrush etc.

As for Pop Idol, I had to look this one up as neither my staff nor the boys at the yacht club had a clue about it. Apparently it’s a contest on television in the USA and Europe where young people compete to try and out-emote each other, usually in song. So the winner is generally the one who sings a song with the largest number of completely superfluous notes, and then bursts into tears at the sad bits. I would recommend reverse-psychology – try going to see a band like Pig Destroyer, Slayer or Christ Puncher dressed in your Pop Idol t-shirt and a mini-skirt and complain to everyone that Gareth Gates has five times the charisma of the lead singer. The audience will be only too willing to help with your problem I would imagine.